You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
