tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
