yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
