Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
birth control should be required to get into college
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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