Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
