I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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