Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I smell stomach acid.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
