the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
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