the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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