College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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