You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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