You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
