The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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