what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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