Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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