she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
