I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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