I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
