can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
