Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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