I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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