I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
