look no pants
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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