____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
