We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
