how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
