apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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