You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
