very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
