This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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