Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
