I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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