what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
