i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
