When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
