she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize