Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
