i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
