The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
