She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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