I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
