so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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