Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
