am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
