The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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