If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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