I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
