you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
