hotel room ftw
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
