Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
