the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.