Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!