weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right