Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
