tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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