I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
