And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
