i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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