Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
