Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
