at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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