Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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