I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
