If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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