Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize