He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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