Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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