girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
