It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
