She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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