I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
