he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
