10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
